That looks good. I think I'll have it.

I can’t believe summer is over and fair week is here again. Yesterday was entry turn in day, so the house was full of art projects and baked goods ready to go to the fair. Unfortunately, the kitchen is still full of baked goods, and I noticed them right away this morning when I went to get my coffee.

I began the morning with a bite of a chocolate brownie and one and a half sugar cookies. You’ll be proud to know I resisted the chocolate chip cookies. Although, technically, that’s not breaking my boundaries since I could look at the eating occasion as a very unhealthy breakfast, I decided to truth journal anyway because I know from past experience that breakfasts like that always make me eat poorly the rest of the day.

Beliefs: (Upon seeing the cookies) 1. Oh, that would be good. 2. I think I’ll have one (or two). 3. I’ll just call it breakfast.

Truths:

1. Oh, that would taste good, but it wouldn’t actually be good. After all, what is good? Is it something that’s fun and satisfies my desires or is it something that leads me toward God? Cookies and brownies that early in the morning won’t lead me to God – they’ll lead me to a day of craving more cookies and brownies in a house that’s full of cookies and brownies. That’s not good!!!

2. This isn’t a belief. It’s a decision, so you can’t really journal it.

3. I’m only calling it breakfast to justify eating it. In reality, it’s a crummy breakfast – not filling, not healthy, and not a great provider of energy. I’ll have to be really careful today and journal every bite that goes into my mouth outside my boundaries - because I know from past experience that 19 times out of 20, when I begin the day with sweets, I end the day with regrets.

New Blog Format

Life would be so much easier if I were a true techie. I just posted a blog about a new blog format and then tried to post another blog in that format. Instead, it erased my whole new blog format post and replaced it with the new blog. That is so annoying!!! Plus I can't get my old post back, so I'll just tell you in a nutshell what it said since I need to go out and clean the garage before I lose my momentum!

I've been having a hard time coming up with ideas for posts, so thought I might just try posting some truth journals for awhile and see if that might still be helpful. I've kept all my old lie-truth charts from the past couple years, so I'll pull some posts from those and also post any current truth journals.

If you look at the post right after this one, you'll see what the new format looks like. I'll try to put the belief right in the title, so you can tell at a glance if it's something you struggle with. I'll also try to start posting a couple times a week.

If you have an eating situation you don't know how to journal, e-mail me and I'll show you how I would journal it on the blog. I don't know if this will be helpful, but we can give it a try at least!

Belief: Eating will perk me up since life is so boring.

I'm sitting at my desk today looking at my to-do list and feeling like I'd rather be doing something fun like eating something really good. This is my belief:

Eating will perk me up since life is so boring.

Truth: Eating will actually make my life more boring, because it will cause me to be dependent on food for the exciting life. Since I can never eat enough to have a consistently exciting life, I'll always be unhappy - make that overweight and unhappy. Only God can fill my soul and give me the excitement I crave. I will be much better off going out to clean the garage than going in to the refrigerator to eat something that won't satisfy me.

The Lies of the Scale

So often the scale makes us gain weight - not because of the number we see - but because of the the things we believe about the number we see. Just as it's important to bring our thoughts captive to the truth when we eat outside our boundaries, it's also important to bring our thoughts captive to the truth when we weigh more than we think we should weigh.

Here are some of the common lies we believe about the number we see on the scale and the truths that can set us free from an obsession with weight:

1. I look terrible (because the scale says I weigh x pounds).

Truth: Although looks are influenced by weight, they aren’t determined by weight. If you look around you, practically every woman you see is beautiful in some way, no matter what she weighs. Enjoy your femininity – you don’t need to be skinny to look beautiful! (And don’t forget—it’s more important to look good on the inside than the outside!)

2. I need to be a certain weight (to be acceptable).

Truth: I am already acceptable in God’s eyes, regardless of my weight, and I don’t need to live up to the standards of the world.

3. I deserve to lose more after how much I suffered.

Truth: I don’t deserve anything. Whatever God gives me is a gift – a blessing from Him. I need to be more grateful for what He’s already given me.

Note: The thing God’s been teaching me about writing lately is that He will equip me to do what He’s called me to do. This has really helped me not to agonize over my writing. I put in my time and effort, and God is in charge of the results. This is just like eating. It’s our job to follow the boundaries and renew our minds when necessary, but it’s up to God to provide the results. We should be willing to suffer for Him even when we see no tangible reward—just because we love Him.

4. It’s not fair that I lost x pounds when Mary lost y pounds.

Truth: Life isn’t fair – sad, but true. God looks at me with eyes full of love and grace, and He asks me, “Will you rejoice with Mary or will you stomp your feet and demand similar treatment?” I need to love God so much that I’m willing to continue following my boundaries even when I’m not rewarded by the scale. Doing what God wants me to do is a reward in and of itself.

5. It’s taking too long to lose this weight.

Truth: I might be able to lose weight faster if I eat less and exercise more, but even then, you can only lose weight so fast. I must accept the fact that losing weight is a slow and often painful process.

6. These boundaries aren’t working (because I’m not losing weight).

Truth: This may be true. If I've been faithfully following my boundaries for several weeks and not lost weight, I may need to re-evaluate my boundaries. If it's only been a week or two, it's too soon to tell. Also, I need to be honest with myself. It's easy to tell myself I'm following my boundaries when I'm really not.

Note: Don’t be afraid to try a new set of boundaries. Some people thrive on programs like Weight Watchers while others do much better on the “eating only when hungry” approach. The key no matter which approach you’re using is to establish lifelong boundaries and change the way you think by renewing your mind, so that your desires will be changing along with your actions.

7. I gained 3 pounds this weekend (because the scale said so).

Truth: Since it takes 3500 extra calories (beyond the amount required to maintain your weight) to gain a pound, I would have had to eat an additional 10,500 calories last weekend to gain three pounds (that’s in addition to the 2000 or so calories a day I would have needed to maintain my weight). Chances are, I didn’t eat that much and part of that three pounds on the scale is water weight.

8. I’m so fat (since the scale says I gained two pounds), or I’m so skinny (because the scale says I lost two pounds).

Truth: I look the same today as I looked yesterday. Two pounds isn’t going to make or break me. Most people won’t even notice a difference in how I look unless I gain or lose a significant amount.

9. I might as well eat (because according to the scale all this suffering is getting me nowhere).

Truth: All this suffering will bring me closer to God if I allow Him to help me work through the beliefs (I have to be skinny, etc.) that are causing me to be so frustrated with the number I see on the scale. Gaining weight after a faithful week of following my boundaries can be a wonderful, but painful, opportunity for growth as I draw near to Him and ask Him to help me sort through my emotions. It’s so easy to let appearance become an idol in our culture. A high number on the scale can help me work through this issue in my own life once again.

10. I’ll always be fat.

Truth: If I continue to specifically renew my mind every day in the areas of weight and eating, and if I develop the habit of going to God rather than food for help with my emotions, it will eventually show up on the scale. I need to be patient.

Is the scale a stumbling block?

I really appreciate the blogs I’ve read on the use of the scale. Some women have decided to give them up altogether because of their potential for making them stumble. I applaud that. The closer we come to the point where we see ourselves as God sees us, the better—and God doesn’t see us as a number on the scale. He sees our hearts.

I used to feel insecure because of my weight. In my mind, I could see this lineup of women, and I was standing at the wrong end of the line—the unacceptable end—the overweight end.

I felt self-conscious about my looks, and this made me self-conscious about my relationships. I worried that people wouldn’t like me because I wasn't "good enough." This often kept me from reaching out to others—at least the ones who intimidated me.

Even though I haven’t been heavy for awhile, I still sometimes see myself at the unacceptable end of the line because I don’t measure up to the world’s standards. I’m not sophisticated, I’m not fashionable (except for the rare occasion), and I don’t have a glamorous job. In fact, I don’t have a job at all.

I’m a home school mom, an occupation that carries its own stigma. Everyone has an opinion about home schooling and not all the opinions are good. At least in my own life, it hasn’t been a real self-image booster, even though it's been a delightful way of life.

So how do I get over my insecurity given my handicaps? Do I need to stop homeschooling and get a glamorous life? No, of course not. What I need to do is see myself (and my life) from God’s point of view. My insecurity sometimes interferes with loving others well, so it's an issue God wants me to work on. And I work on it, not by trying to look good in the world's eyes, but by working hard to see myself the way God sees me.

Every time I catch myself feeling insecure, I write down what I'm thinking - or what I think others are thinking about me. Then I compare those thoughts with God's thoughts.

Does He think I'm a loser because my outfit's not the greatest? No. Does He think I'm a failure because I gained a pound? No. Does He think I'm mean because I said something mean to that woman? Well, yes, He thought that was mean. I better apologize.

Sometimes these sessions lead to repentance, asking God to forgive me for my sin. Sometimes they lead to prayer, asking God to make me more like Him. And almost all the time they lead to a new view of myself as I lay down the standard of the world and pick up the standard of God.

God judges people according to their hearts (1 Samuel 16:7, Luke 16:15), and He's not crazy about the world's standards. It bothers Him when looks are valued more than character, when glamour is more important than godliness, and when a model-like figure is more desirable than a Christ-like love.

I think He probably grieves when He watches us judge ourselves by the world's standards, and then condemn ourselves because we don't measure up.

The scale can be a stumbling block, because it encourages us to see ourselves through the world's eyes. If we're going to step on the scale, we must be careful not to believe the lies that crop up when we see a number we don't want to see.

I'll be talking more about those lies in my next post. For now, though, try to see yourself through the eyes of the One who adores you—and if you're tempted to see yourself through the eyes of the world, watch out for the scale.

Alone in the House with Ice Cream and Rhubarb Bars

The kids are all gone at backpacking camps, and I’m alone in the house with a carton of Blue Bunny cookie dough ice cream and a Tupperware container filled with rhubarb cheesecake bars.

Not only that, I still have an hour and a half of writing to do for the day and a decision to make that I don’t really want to make—both of which make me feel like eating. Not to mention the fact that it’s late afternoon, that magical time of day when the things in the freezer often call out to us.

But I’m not listening. Let me take that back—I was listening, but not anymore. Why am I not listening? Because I decided to truth journal about it (before I actually ate anything, for a change), and I no longer feel like eating.

This is what I wrote:

Beliefs: 1. Some ice cream would be good right now. 2. I deserve it after such a hard day. 3. And since I still have more than an hour of writing to do.

Truths: 1. It would be good for about FIVE MINUTES!!! After that it would make me feel bloated, uncomfortable, crummy when I wake up tomorrow morning, and weigh more than I want to weigh. Is that all worth five minutes of enjoyment? (I actually capitalized the five minutes again in my journal, but I’ll spare you that.) No, the answer is no. 2. Some days will go like this. If possible I need to devote my mornings to writing, so I don’t have any left by afternoon. But when I think of the collective suffering in the world, I’m one of the lucky ones. 3. That hour of writing is an opportunity for me to share in the sufferings of Christ(ouch).

Then I truth journaled about the decision, since that was another thing that was making me want to eat. And you know what? I didn’t feel like eating anymore by the time I was through.

There’s two things I think are really important to keep from giving in to emotional eating.

They are:

1. Start working on your emotions. If you only journal about the food, you'll be in danger of turning to some other bad habit to escape your emotions. If you learn to go to God for your emotions, you'll see things from His point of view and the negative emotions themselves will go away. Journaling about both the writing and the decision today gave me peace about both of those.

2. Make a commitment to journal or pray Scripture before you eat outside your boundaries – even if you’re already planning to eat. Just say to yourself, “That’s okay – I can still have the bowl of ice cream (or whatever), I just need to renew my mind first." More often than not your desires will change, but if they don’t you have nothing to lose. You can go ahead and eat what you were planning to eat.

Why don’t you give this a try and see how it goes? I actually got interrupted while I was writing this so it’s been a couple of hours since I was tempted by the ice cream. And I still haven’t felt like eating anything. I’m not using will power to avoid eating – I just don’t feel like it anymore. Because I’m believing the truth. But I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t taken the time to find it.

My Brilliant New Anti-Procrastination Technique

I think I’ve found the secret to overcoming procrastination. And yes, I think it’s going to change my life. Would you like to hear what it is? Okay, here goes—are you ready? Picture a drumroll . . . here it is . . .

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Make a list, and . . . (here’s the brilliant part) . . . don’t put anything on the list that you dread doing!

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Now, I can just imagine what you’re thinking . . . That is such a dumb idea. How will you get anything done if you only do the things you want to do? Somehow, that doesn’t seem very brilliant—or responsible, for that matter.

Well, let me put your fears at rest and tell you that I’m not suggesting you stop doing the things you dread doing. What I'm suggesting is this: take the item that you don’t want to do and break it up into small steps—then, and only then, put it on the list—but don’t put the whole job on the list, just put the small step on the list! Now, do you see what a brilliant idea it is?

Let me show you two different lists, so you can see how it works. First, I’ll show you the list I actually wrote yesterday. Then I’ll show you the list I would normally have written.

List #1
Unpack: Computer case, suitcase, red bag, black bag
Put away suitcases
Weed: 20 weeds in carrot patch
Tidy: Living/dining room, kitchen
Do dishes
Look for graduation card for Sterling (I hadn’t come up with my brilliant new plan yet a month ago when I should have sent this card).
Paperwork: Take care of 5 pieces of mail.
Rhubarb: Pick 5 pieces and chop them up for freezer.
3 hours writing

List #2
Unpack
Weed
Tidy house
Send grad card to Sterling
Paperwork
Freeze rhubarb.
3 hours writing

See the difference in the two lists? The second one is shorter, but it’s much more intimidating. Why? Because I know very well that it would take hours and hours to bring the paperwork, gardening, and housework up to my perfectionist standards. In fact, the idea of it would be so overwhelming that I probably wouldn’t even bother trying. Instead, I’d force myself to tidy up and unpack, but that would be about all I’d get done.

The beauty of the first list is that it takes perfectionism out of the equation. When I see that all I have to do is just a little bit, all of a sudden, I don’t mind doing it. And what usually happens is I do much more than is on the list. But the really great thing is this: I complete the list. I don’t get discouraged. And slowly, but surely, I get those dreaded jobs done.

If you struggle with procrastination, why don’t you give this method a try? Make your list, but don’t put anything on the list that you’d likely procrastinate. If it’s something you don’t like doing, just put a small step on the list even if you really have to do the whole job that day.

Here’s an example. Today I had to make rhubarb cheesecake bars for a potluck we’re going to tonight. Instead of putting make rhubarb bars on the list, I put find rhubarb bar recipe and get ingredients out on the list. It may sound simple, but it really works. (My rhubarb bars are sitting in the refrigerator as we speak.)

Now, you may wonder why I didn’t say write one sentence instead of write three hours on the list. That’s because it’s a daily job that I don’t really dread doing. What I do with a job like that is to put six different “30s” on my list. Then each time I write for 30 minutes, I check one of the 30s off. It often takes me until late afternoon to get all of my writing done, but it’s not something I put off and never do like some of the other things on my list (thanks to hours and hours spent truth journaling when I first started writing).

Anyway, I hope this idea helps you as much as it has helped me. I’m still in the early stages of it, but it seems like it will be life changing if I can just remember to keep making a list each day.

Well, I better get going. I still have to pick out a card for Cheryl and address the envelope and write a message on the graduation card for Sterling. I better get busy. After all,who knows? I might just go wild and decide to finish both cards and mail them today!

Emotional Eating and 1 John 2

Summer’s here, and I’m afraid I haven’t been blogging much. Of course, you always worry about emotional eating bloggers who stop blogging. “Why aren’t they writing?” you think. Have they gone off the wagon? Are they eating like crazy and feeling too guilty to write? Will they ever start writing again?

Well, the answer is no, I’m not eating like crazy. I’m doing something much less fun—I’m writing like crazy on my new Bible study. Of course, crazy for me only means about three hours a day, four days a week. But when you factor in procrastination and interruptions it seems like about 12 hours a day, six days a week.

Anyway, I was studying 1 John 2:15-17 this week and couldn’t help but notice how much it ties in with our emotional eating struggles. Here’s what it says:

Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. The world is passing away and also it’s lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever.

It may not seem like it ties in at first glance, but look again. I think we get caught up in all three of the “loves” mentioned in this passage when it comes to our weight and eating issues. Let’s look at them one at a time:

Lust of the flesh: We get caught in this trap when we turn to food to satisfy our emotional needs and when we love the food itself so much we feel like we just have to have it.

Lust of the eyes: This happens when we see all those skinny, beautiful movie stars and think we have to have bodies like they do. (It also happens in restaurants when we see the person at the next table eating a gorgeous piece of cake right in front of us.)

Pride of life: When we feel like we have to lose weight to impress others, gain their approval, or live up to expectations (theirs or ours), we’re flirting with the pride of life.

As I studied the passage further, I realized two more things:

1. You can never get enough of the lusts of the flesh, the lusts of the eyes, or the boastful pride of life to be satisfied if you’re turning to them to satisfy emotional needs. You’ll always want more.

Lust of the flesh: Think of it. Do you ever have enough ice cream to be satisfied if you’re turning to ice cream to make you happy? Do you ever get enough chips if you’re turning to chips for comfort? Do you ever have enough graham crackers if you’re turning to graham crackers to avoid writing your Bible study? (Oh, wait a minute, that’s the question I’m supposed to be asking myself!)

Lust of the eyes: It’s natural for us to want to look like the skinny people we see out there, but when we feel like we have to look like them, we’re moving into lust of the eyes territory. Losing weight is a lot like eating. If we’re doing it to satisfy our emotional needs (to be happy, to feel confident, etc.), we’ll never lose enough to be happy. We’ll always be thinking, “If only I could lose a few more pounds . . .”

Pride of life: If we feel like we need to lose weight to be acceptable or admired,we'll never reach the point where we're satisfied with our weight. Why? Because in this country, skinnier is better—and we can always do just a little bit “better.” This is the type of thinking that leads to anorexia.

2. There will always be consequences when you turn to the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life for happiness.

Lust of the flesh: It’s pretty easy to see the consequences here—if we eat too much we gain weight!

Lust of the eyes: This might lead to an obsession with working out and dieting or a fixation on the scale. Often the biggest consequences are emotional: discontentment, envy, discouragement, depression, and hopelessness.

Pride of life: Not only do you have the emotional consequences of insecurity, but there’s also the tendency to isolate one’s self. If we feel like others will judge and reject us because we’re overweight, we won’t want to reach out to them.

I thought it was eye-opening to see that we'll never be satisfied with food or weight loss if we're placing too much importance on them (which we tend to do). Another thing that struck me was the importance of seeing not just food from God's point of view, but this whole issue from His point of view.

What we need to remember is that life is about loving God and others, not about looking good and doing what we feel like doing. Let’s see how that applies to each of these “loves.”

Lust of the flesh: My purpose in eating shouldn’t be to indulge myself but to glorify God. I need to ask myself, “Am I honoring God by eating this food, or am I indulging the flesh?” If I were struggling with anorexia I would ask, “Am I honoring God by not eating this food, or am I putting my need to be skinny (or whatever the driving force is) above Him?”

Lust of the eyes: The bottom line here is this: LIFE IS NOT ABOUT LOOKING GOOD AND BEING SKINNY! Every time I step on the scale and beat myself up because I gained two pounds, I need to shout those words to myself. Every time I get insecure because of the way I look I need to shout those words to myself. Every time you do your morning beauty routine or work out and skip your time with God, you need to shout those words to yourself! (I left myself out of that one because I rarely do the morning workout or beauty routine anyway – I know I said I did the workout in my Bible study, but I’m afraid that was a short-lived phase of my life!)

Pride of Life: My main purpose for trying to control my eating should be to overcome the stronghold of emotional eating—not fit into a society obsessed with looks. Every time I feel like I’m not good enough, and that I need to make a desperate attempt to lose weight so I can be good enough, I need to tell myself, “God loves me just as I am. I don’t need to lose weight to be acceptable. I just need to keep working on this stronghold."

I guess the bottom line is I need to seek the approval of God and not men in everything I do. Live my life for Him, and glorify Him in everything I do.

Which means I need to stop eating graham crackers just because I can't figure out how to write my Bible study.

P.S. The other thing I've been doing lately is hiking with my husband and kids. The picture at the top of this blog was taken on one of our hikes last week.

Getting Back on Track

Writing is so hard I deserve another granola bar. Besides, Mischief (my cat) is sitting in my chair (where I would conceivably have another quiet time instead of eating the granola bar), and I’ve wasted the whole day again. The least I can do is have a little treat.

Do you ever feel a little silly when you truth journal? Yes, these are your thoughts, but you know they’re immature before you even write them down? Well, you can probably see I’m speaking from my own experience. I actually wrote that entry while I was eating the granola bar five minutes ago. Pathetic, isn’t it?

Normally, I stick to my boundaries well enough that I don’t take the time to truth journal when I break them, but because I’ve been breaking them for three or four days now, I decided I better go back to truth journaling. The combination of writing a new Bible study along with still dealing with the things in my last post is making me want to eat.

There’s still a part of me that says, “Oh, I’ll just be more careful tomorrow,” or “Maybe I need to change my boundaries.” But the truth of the matter is that what I really need to do is bring my thoughts captive to the truth.

So here goes:

Beliefs: 1. Writing is so hard I deserve another granola bar. 2. Besides, Mischief (my cat) is sitting in my chair (where I would conceivably have another quiet time instead of eating the granola bar), and 3. I’ve wasted the whole day again. 4. The least I can do is have a little treat.

Truths: 1. Writing should be a joyful act of worship—something I give to God, and I’ve lost sight of that. Forgive me, Lord. I need to expect that some days will be easy, and some days will be difficult, and some days I’ll write the whole day with nothing concrete to show for it. I need to accept the fact that writing isn’t an efficient occupation and do it anyway. 2. Mischief would be perfectly happy on my lap, or I could go outside for my quiet time. 3. I haven’t accomplished much, but that wasn’t for lack of trying. I’m imperfect, and life is imperfect. Some days will be like this. 4. The best I can do is see this day from God’s point of view so I can experience peace. I’d rather have the best than the least.

Wow. I had no idea all those things were going on inside of me until I started to truth journal. I thought this was going to be a simple blog about getting back on track after a few days of eating outside the boundaries, and in the name of efficiency I thought I’d write down the truths while I was writing the blog.

Instead, I spent ten or fifteen minutes on my first lie, and another ten minutes on the third lie. God obviously had some things to say to me about my attitude.

Did you notice that God used the thoughts that were at the top of my head making me want to eat to show me what I really needed to work on? As I looked at my thoughts through His eyes, I began to see things differently. His peace began to steal into my heart once again.

Do you see what bringing your thoughts captive to Christ does? It changes the things in you that need to change. It gives you peace. It did both of those for me just now. I often find—no, I take that back—I usually find that truth journaling is a time of intimate fellowship with God.

And you know what? It’s the only type of writing I do that’s always worth it.